Razor-sharp off the pitch but on it Manchester United are a blunt force
* Off the pitch, Manchester United remain the biggest commercial attraction
* On the pitch it is a different story with the current side far adrift of the leaders
* To get world class stars, United will need to offer pay packets bigger than rivals
It is a pity that Manchester United are not in the market for high-end commercial people this summer, because they would have them queuing around the block.
In that field, United remain football's biggest attraction - but players are what Ole Gunnar Solskjaer needs right now, and they're more of a problem.
Manchester United are currently fronting up an advertising campaign for Remington shavers. Remington are a famous name. 'Est. New York 1937' says their branding, but the company actually dates back to E. Remington & Sons, a gun manufacturer from 1816.
This Remington branched out into typewriters and were first to use the QWERTY keyboard which is standard today. Subsequently, the Remington brand broke up across several markets.
Still, it's an instantly recognisable sell, particularly now they are the 'official electrical styling partner of Manchester United'.
See what they did there, though? Left a door open to cut a deal with another firm for wet shavers. United are smart like that. They break their commercial contracts up into individual products, and then individual countries and continents.
Who are Manchester United's soft drink partners? Well, that depends where you are. In Nigeria, it's CHI; in China, it's Uni-President; in Indonesia, it's You C1000.
It's brilliant. Manchester United are the market leaders in monetising their commercial arm. If there was a league table for that, they'd be winning it by 30 points.
Manchester United are unbeatable off the pitch but are simply second best on the pitch
So if, this transfer window, the club needed to recruit teams of suits, it would be a cinch. That they need a squad capable of restoring them to the pinnacle of English football is more of an issue, because United are no longer market leaders in football.
The Remington advert — 'The story of you' is the slogan, whatever that means — shows three Manchester United players sculpted and ready for business in their red and black strips.
Chris Smalling holds up a shaver, flanked by Paul Pogba and Marcus Rashford. They look like masters of the athletic universe. Of course, if that image depicted United as it really is now, one of them would be covered in shaving cuts, blood and bits of soggy tissue paper, another would have a patchy six-day growth where he simply couldn't be bothered and a third would be telling anyone who would listen that he prefers Braun. It's a mess.
Speaking before the latest disappointment, at Huddersfield, Solskjaer said that he thought United could still attract world-class talent, even without Champions League football.
'You'd be surprised how many agents have been touting their players, telling us they would love to be part of United in the future,' he said.
Of course, that was before a year in the Europa League — and, potentially, a campaign that starts in its second qualifying round on July 25 — was part of that future. Interesting to hear if the phone is still ringing this morning. If it is, what those conversations will sound like when it comes down to brass tacks.
For there is a way for United to attract world-class players — but it is the same way they have done it in previously underwhelming seasons. They pay through the nose for them.
The summer that the club brought in Paul Pogba, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Eric Bailly and Henrikh Mkhitaryan, they were also only offering Europa League football. It came with a premium. Romelu Lukaku rejected Chelsea for United the summer after the club had finished 24 points behind them and, again, it cost.
The day Alexis Sanchez chose United over Manchester City they were 12 points and 19 goals behind, and quite obviously second best. So United made it a financial call. What other option did they have?
Solskjaer said that players know because of United's size and potential they will eventually return to the good days, but that isn't true. Other clubs are growing in stature, and economic strength, too.
Solskjaer is naive if he thinks the agents who are touting players around Old Trafford are not making the same calls to Manchester City, Liverpool, Chelsea and Tottenham, who will all be offering Champions League football next season.
Arsenal as well — if they can win the Europa League. And many of those clubs are engaged in rebuilding projects of their own, except with firmer existing foundations, and clearer visions. Bigger managerial reputations, too. Solskjaer may be a legend at Old Trafford, but beyond?
Despite dipping in and out of the Champions League, United managed to pay big for top stars. Since Sir Alex Ferguson retired, United have spent £686.7million trying to build a title team
United's transfer market is global, meaning Solskjaer may be going up against the draw of Zinedine Zidane and Real Madrid for players. And that's the nub of it: because if United intend replacing one set of marquee names with others, this can only pan out as another expensive gamble.
Manchester United have spent £686.7million on players since Sir Alex Ferguson stood down, and nobody is any the wiser about direction or strategy. Even the shortlist for director of football is inconsistent. What do Mike Phelan, Edwin van der Sar and Rio Ferdinand have in common, apart from that they used to play for Manchester United?
Where is the philosophy, other than turning the clock back to the good old days of the Stone Roses and Manchester United teams who knew what they were about and what they stood for.
'We're Manchester United, we'll do what we want,' the fans used to sing. Except that's not true, any more. Everything they do, these days, needs paying for — and, unlike Remington shavers, never at a discount.
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